The Tiniest Alchemist!
by Sasu-Nii-Chan
Summary: Ed was just enjoying a tasty eggsalad sandwhich when he is called the dreaded word. Now he is in a battle with many of your fave characters to decide once and for all! is Edward truly small?
1. Part uno: Eggs are dairy? The beginning

**The Tiniest Alchemist Part uno : Egg is a dairy product???? The beginning of it all! **

CRUNCH! A bite into an egg salad sandwhich declared Edward Elric had claimed it. Of course, he had to claim every sandwhich he got, or somebody or something would take it. And of course if you know Ed, he just hated something taken away from him so suddenly. He had to declare it, and so he was, by eating the very thing he must eat! While Ed was declaring his independant eating, Al was looking over some notes on alchemy in a little book. Al stared at the book and thought of every transmutation circle, like the smarticus boy he is. He looked over at the great independent eater with a what-are-you-doing look before closing the book and studying what Ed was eating so.....dramaticly.

It was suddenly clear to Al that there was something suspicious with what Ed was doing. He certainly was eating something mighty good, but there was something about it that made everything seem a little wierd. He studied the contents of Ed's delicassy of choice.( nice words I choose heh?) Al saw....crisp brown bread, dark green lettuce sticking out of the back of the sandwhich, and eggs. Wait, EGGS???? Eggs? A product of a chicken? Considered a member of the dairy products? DAIRY???? MILK???? Al was shocked. Ed was actually eating something that either had milk in it or was a member of the dairy family none the less. And he wasn't complaining! He had chosen that specific thing! Al dropped the book he was holding, staring at his brother as if captred in a spell. Ed however, was chewing on a second bite. His amber eyes looked around and landed on his brother, who he noticed was staring at him like he had seen a hommunculi. Ed raised an eyebrow. What was wrong with his bro? The full metal gulped down the bite and blinked in confusion.

''What is it Al?'' He asked, turning around on his seat. His gaze was determined to find out what was wrong. Al gaped, then shut his trap and picked up the book.

''Why are you eating eggs big brother?'' the little brother asked, as determined as Ed.

''Why am I eating eggs? Because it's part of my sandwhich and I am hungry. Why do you ask?'' Ed asked in confusion, a small heh heh showing he was thinkning this was silly.

''Well, eggs are considered a part of the dairy product system. And most eggs like scrambled eggs and such are made with milk, which, last time I checked, you hated.'' Al explained to his confuzzled brother. Ed's eye twitched as he was now aware of that. But he didn't think these eggs were made with milk.

''I'm sure these are meat Al. You see, they come from chickens, not from cows. They can be hard boiled or deviled, which is not anywhere near milk.'' Ed objected, taking another bite of his sandwhich to prove his point.

''But Ed, beef comes from a cow and they are considered meat. I think the eggs in your sandwhich are made with milk.'' Al argued politely. Ed was beginning to be irritated. He swallowed.

''Al, I am older and I know what I eat. This is not milk. Don't explain any further!'' Ed slightly raised his voice. Al could sense his brother's anger and became quiet, knowing this wasn't wise.

Just then, Winry walked into view. She had come here to walk around and explore and noticed Ed and Al sitting on the grassy fields, with Ed enjoying a sandwhich. She then noticed anger marks appearing on Ed's head, and began to investigate. She wanted to pester Ed a little today. Coming in with a cheerfull attitude she said in her most joyful voice. ''Hi Al! Whatcha doing?''

Al looked up and glowed with happiness. ''Hi Winry! I have a question for you.''

Winry now made a small confused look. ''What is it Al?''

Al blushed. He shuffled a little. Winry took that the wrong way and went a deep red. Was he going to say what she thought he was going to say? She could alredy sum up an answer. Her face was getting redder and redder. She opened her mouth just as Al spoke.

''Are eggs a dairy product?'' Al asked quietly just as Winry said ''I think I'm too old for that.''

Both went really red. Ed looked up from his sandwhich. ''HUH????'' His eyes were big.

Winry made a big shocked face as well and shuffled. ''I meant to say yes! Yes eggs are a dairy product!'' She beamed. Al sighed. ''Good.'' They both looked embarrassed still. Ed's eyebrow twitched.

''Eggs are meat I tell ya! MEAT!'' He yelled, unhappy with this conversation. Winry looked to him. ''Nuh-uh. Total dairy man.'' She argued. Ed narrowed his eyes and got up. ''They are so meat! They rot like meat, are not made from cows and they are delicious unlike those freaky white liquids we call milk!'' He was shaking in anger.

''Well, maybe if you were half an inch taller you would see that it's milk-maid you shorty!'' Winry yelled.

Al gasped, Ed froze. The sky got darker as Al hid behind a tree. The grass became a grey and Ed seemed to become shadowy. There was a glint of evil in his eye when he spoke.

''What did you call me?''


	2. 2: Lies I tell ya LIES!

**The Tiniest Alchemist part dos: LIES I tell ya, LIES! **

Ed quivered, standing there with his hands clenched into fists at his sides. Winry stood with her hands on her hips, as Al was hiding behind a tree with eyes as wide as saucers. The sky had turned grey as storm clouds began moving in. The grass seemed a stale grey in the light and a dark aura was drifting to them all. Ed's eyes were glinting with an evil.

''Wha-wha?'' Winry stuttered, noticing the slight change in the day. Ed narrowed his eyes before looking up with an almost venomous gaze.

''What did you call me?'' He asked in a tone that made the birds start to quiver. Al flinched, already predicting what was about to happen. Winry however, hadn't a clue. She just gripped her hands tighter on her shirt, getting a wrench ready.

''I called you a-'' She began before Al ran in front of her at the speed of light. Winry sweatdropped a little.

''She meant to say you are taller than before! You've had a growth spurt! You've reached 4 foot 8!'' Al sputtered out lying his best to his anger marked brother. Ed suddenly stopped and the whole place became bright and cheerfull again. Al and Winry both sighed in relief. ''It's safe as long as you lie about it.'' Al whispered as they sighed again. Winry nodded in agreement.

Ed smiled and was suddenly dancing around in joy. ''I am a little taller!'' He was actually buying this. He spun around a little before sitting back on his seat with the sandwhich and the book of alchemy. He took a bite...only to spit it out in disgust. ''Peh! Since when was this a turkey sandwhich?????'' He looked to it in surprise. That's when he heard the familiar sound of black military boots coming from behind him. He turned around, almost disgusted by the sight.

Roy was standing there with Rita and Hughes. Rita was standing with a clipboard writing several codes down as Roy had a smirk on his face. Hughes was chewing on something, and holding a sandwhich wrapper. The egg salad! Ed was already ready to destroy Hughes when Roy stopped him with a small thok to the head. ''Hey there full mini alchemist. I see you're enjoying yourself.'' He grinned. Rita looked over. ''That's not a smart thing to say Sir.'' She whispered but was ignored. Ed's eye twitched.

''Heh, you think that can make me mad now? For your information, I'm taller now!'' Ed said with a big smirk on his face. Roy raised an eyebrow studying the Full metal. ''Uh....no you aren't. You're just the same.'' He said. ''A puny little shorty of a pipsqueak.'' He commented for extra effect.

Al and Winry were just about to scream ''NO!'' when the stormy weather came back and Ed was back into his evil mode. Roy stepped back a little. Hughes smirked. ''I think you hit a mark. Yum. Egg salad is good.'' He said as he threw out the wrapper. That only made it worse. Rita pulled up her clipboard trying not to see where this was going. Ed made a demonic smirk and spoke in an almost deadly voice.

''That's it. You're all doomed now.''

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Sasu- Oh my.

Naru-I think everyone's gonna DIE!

Sasu-Uh...don't look now but it's Ed.

Ed-Heh heh heh....

Sasu and Naru- AHHHHHH!!!!!


End file.
